Weirdos

"Only VERY bossy ladies please" requests 'Totdevoted' on Times Encounters.  I immediately sign him up as one of my 'favourites', and he returns the favour. 

I scroll down to find out more about him.

"I work in the City and I am smart, successful and driven at work," he says. "I am well-travelled and very well educated, cultured and well-read. I am seeking a long term relationship and REAL commitment - so no flings please." How exciting!

Skipping a bit, I get to, "I seek the kind of woman who demands worship and pampering and obedience from her man." FANTASTIC! blah blah "I do hope this piques your interest - if you understand how a man can adore worship and obey his diva Goddess... " errrrrr

For his ideal match: "I mean REALLY bossy and demanding"

"Body type: A few extra pounds; Curvaceous; Full figured"

I consider messaging back saying "I'm afraid I'm too thin." But it's all too weird.  Steer clear.

I don't know whether this internet dating stuff is evil, or a force for real good.  Both I suppose.  What I do know is that it is extremely time-consuming, addictive and brutal.

Even if you've ceased subscribing, they keep your details up online, unless you ask them not to, and every couple of days send you a selection of 'matches', who are usually short, fat, bald, broke, and live at least 100 miles away.  They never let you go.

I am constantly experimenting with the thing - you can check out who has looked at your 'profile'; and there's a 'Top 20' featuring the most favourited or messaged people who've signed up with them. The women look gorgeous and young, and their photos are often professionally posed and airbrushed, while the men are mostly hideous.  Some people 'favourite' everyone they can, hoping to get 'favourited' back again and thus into the Top 20. I haven't tried this yet but I wouldn't put it past me.

I don't think many people are deliberately dishonest, but some of my pics are nearly five years old simply because nobody's taken any of me recently, not because I was nearly two stone lighter in those days!

Anyhow - hold onto your seat... and watch this space!  It's going to be a rough old ride!