Domestic Drudgery

I've just learned how to turn the hoover on.  After nearly ten minutes of trying all the switches I could see on it, I was beginning to panic.  It was already noon, and my First Ever Customer was due to arrive at 4pm.  Followed an hour later by no less than The King, no, The Emperor, no God of B&Bs, globally.

That is how my life works.  No customers at all for three months, and then God Himself proactively invites himself to stay without my even having to pray for Him.  Sending me reeling with panic and focus.  

I immediately bought 21 things off Ebay, including a pair of hare's ears for Beloved Daughter who is playing the Mad March Hare in Alice in Wonderland next week; and a Singer Steam Press, for which I bid £75.

So it was then, at the height of my apprehension and butterflies, I received an email from the aptly named Late Rooms (who have finally, after three weeks, managed to get Wydemeet onto their map), telling me that they are sending me my first proper, paying customer in 24 hrs time, which will coincide with God's arrival.  I don't even know if, or how, to charge the guy! I only have one room ready for B&B, which I have already reserved for my deity and his wife. The one I must put the customer in has a hole in the carpet, bare walls where I have lost the original pictures, and domestic bedlinen which I find has been 'Twigletted' - ie it is covered in muddy paw-prints.

Luckily, a week ago, Beloved Daughter, aged 11, taught me how to use the mowing machine.  She mowed the entire garden - about an acre of meadow grass, in an hour and a half, so I gave her £5.  I've lived here for nearly twenty years, but have never used a mower.  Just banged my head against the wall when endless gardeners don't turn up, rain or shine, and the grass goes on growing, while I look helplessly on.

Well now I know what to do.  And it's quite fun.  A bit like hoovering really.  I had always assumed that it's man's work, but if an eleven year old girl can do it, I guess I can too.

And another fun bit about all this domestic drudgery is that I can get it done how and when I choose, instead of waiting and getting frustrated, or forgetting to tell my wonderful team exactly what I want and expecting them to work on telepathy.

Anyway, this is all why I've been a bit silent of late.

You will have to wait to find out what happened.