Value for Money?

Am I? Value for money I mean.

On last night's Four In a Bed, a rather dour bloke from Yorkshire, whose B&B features various designs of flowery and geometric purple wallpaper, maroon sheets and red bedspreads, said, "No B&B room in this world could ever be worth £130."

Oh dear.  If I get to be featured on Four in a Bed I am heading for real trouble.

The B&B that this chap was referring to, that charged £130 per night for a glorious room with a wonderful four poster, was absolutely gorgeous.  It had an immaculately painted grey front door with polished knockers and stuff. Then inside all was proper quality interlined thick curtains, real antiques, but, worst of all, light, plain coloured carpets with no stains.  It was clear to me that the owner, who looks as though she's a real hoot and I would love to meet her, speaking like Princess Anne and all and everything ghastly gives her 'the heaves', has never had children nor dogs around.

Over a decade ago our nanny's two year old toddler spilled an entire bottle of black Indian ink over our brand new coral coloured deep pile sitting room carpet.  We laughed at the time (she was on the verge of tears) and have finally nearly managed to get rid of the stains, but haven't replaced it.  Perhaps we should.  I prefer to cover the grey areas still left with rugs, and hope for the best.

Similarly with some of the bedrooms.  Do you really have to replace an entire carpet the minute a guest spills a cup of coffee on it?

And the plumbing.  If I go on Four in a Bed I am going to get crucified for the plumbing!  About half the taps etc aren't at all new, and I've got nothing like those shiny wetrooms that other people have.  I think I have managed to get rid of 'scale' and the grouting and sealant etc are clean, but not bright white and sparkling new.  The shower in Hexworthy has its own cubicle and a pump, so is reasonably powerful, and Revered Son seems to think it's OK as he spends hours in there.  I haven't advertised Dartmeet as having a shower, because I prefer baths, and you can lie in the new bath in Dartmeet, and gaze out at the moor beyond, through a huge window facing south.  There is a shower attachment which you might describe as adequate rather than brilliant.

Which leads us to the macerator.  Or 'Mazza-rater' as Esteemed Partner was fond of jesting, at my expense, as various friends refer to me as 'Mazza'.  It goes off, when you flush, at about ten trillion decibels!  The alternative, of putting in proper plumbing, will cost between £1-2,000, as there are no drains on that side of the house.  Maybe I'll do it in the end, if there's no alternative.  I am imploring lovely Gary, my plumber, to use this weekend to work out some miracle to reduce the noise - both for Dartmeet and Hexworthy guests. Otherwise I will score 'null points' on Four in a Bed, if I ever get onto it.

There are pictures of various members of my family, ancestors,  friends and animals dotted around, and the odd drawer in each room holds stored ski clothes or old lipsticks etc as there's nowhere else for them to go, except a Tesco's crate in the barn.  Meanwhile the tellies, with their 'FreeSat', require someone with a Mensa-level IQ to turn on - but at least your can finally get them to work with a good picture despite the poor signal around here.

Yet my prices are high for Dartmoor, and, I think, justifiably so.  Lack of wardrobe space, noisy plumbing, slightly wild garden notwithstanding -  my guests are paying for location; large, clean, light and comfortable rooms; breakfast of local produce where you can demand anything you can think of (except yucky black pudding and stinky fish) served on a polished table with the silver out; and service, service, service.

Mine is very much a 'staying at a friend's country house' experience, of the old-fashioned B&B sort, rather than a corporate profit centre.  I don't like having too many guests at once, because it means I don't have enough time to get to know and look after everybody properly.

My most recent TripAdvisor contributor pointed out why "B&Bs are so much nicer than hotels.  It's because there are no draconian rules.  You can have breakfast any time.  And come down in your pyjamas if you like."  All this is true.  I was happy to serve one of my guests his breakfast at 5pm the other day, meanwhile a couple of Lithuanian shopfitters had breakfast with beer at breakfast time, slept through the day, then had breakfast again at tea-time and went off to work overnight, their day turned completely upside down as they refitted a restaurant in Plymouth.

I love to chat for however long and whenever my guests want it; to work out detailed itineraries of walks and activities with you; I encourage you to make a cup of tea and help yourself to cake or wine in the kitchen; sometimes I'll knock up some supper for your toddler, babysit, or 'pop out' to get your forgotten urgent supplies; I'll lend you a pashmina for a wedding; I'll join you for a fag in the garden at midnight; provide swimming costumes - even a lime green mankini if you're a joker - for the hot tub, which anyone can enjoy under the stars at 3am if they want to; do your washing; drive ten miles each way to collect anyone who's  run out of energy on a long walk; prepare a Devon cream tea or buttered crumpets on antique porcelain with silver teapot in front of the fire in the sitting room; bring you breakfast in the garden - whatever is required on the day. My house is your house. I am at your beck and call.

I am receptionist, chambermaid, front of house, marketeer, gardener, waitress and chef, who also likes to lunch, ride, swim, and at the same time undertake the twice-daily 26 mile round-trip school run, and do my best to be a good mother as well as being a groom. Plus Times Encounters, of course! The Yorkshireman felt that us B&Bers (he is a publican) twiddle our thumbs during the afternoons.  Well I don't know how long it takes him to prepare a room, but it takes me nearly three hours to get Hexworthy to a standard of cleanliness that I'm happy with.  Luckily Sashka is not only my right arm, but also my left arm and both legs.

But most of all - Wydemeet is about location.  Our location, I believe, is unrivalled. You can walk in any direction from outside the garden gate.  For ever! Just a mile away, you can turn around in a 360 degree circle, and there's no sign of human habitation.  Almost like Scotland! No need to drive. With the whole of Dartmoor to choose from, many of my locally based friends choose to come to the stepping stones just yards from here, to celebrate their most special occasions.

So the above is what you are paying for here.  Not immaculate luxury.  No plumbed in kettles. No mini bars. No i-phone docks. No wardrobes. No mobile phone signal. We're not the Holiday Inn. And nor are we the Gidleigh.

But break a chair, spill something, leave the odd muddy pawprint, and it won't be the end of the world.  Wydemeet is a place for everyone, young and old, two legged and four, to sit back and relax in.

So please don't come here if you just want a standardised base from which to get in your car to explore towns. People like that will perceive Wydemeet as being, whilst enthusiastically run, rather rough and amateur, and not worth the money. 

Wydemeet is for active people who are after the romance of finding themselves in utter wilderness, and who, hopefully, return to their homes having enjoyed an unusual, particularly personal, and highly memorable experience. 

My latest little batch of TripAdvisor reviews has almost brought a tear to my eye, I am so touched by them. My most recent guests have clearly 'got it'. I have been at great pains to try to explain what we're all about on this website. So much is to do with management of expectations.  I am blown away by my guests' excitement about my home, and would die if someone were to be disappointed by their stay. 

But I have a strong sense that some of the Four in a Bed B&Bers, if they come, won't 'get it' at all, and they will really, really hate Wydemeet. I'm beginning to feel just a tad nervous!