Queen of the Road

Sometimes it feels as though everywhere I look, just nothing, absolutely nothing, works.

I've had six weeks of no telephone landline; all four 'new' handsets bought off eBay turned out to be faulty; three months of no electric gate;  outside lights with minds of their own; no oil, pipes subsequently requiring bleeding; leaking overflow causing mildew; blocked macerator; stupid shower, leaks under the bath; the electric plug has come off the horse trailer which has also has yet another puncture; Marvin the Focus has been needing a new clutch; and Bill the Shogun seems to be on his last wheels, so that despite the fact I own two cars, I am stranded. I did actually begin to shed a few tears about all of this, which isn't like me at all.

And then a little glimmer of light began to twinkle in the distance.

The first amazing thing was that the Princetown Mower man came and collected my mower and strimmer the day after I asked him to, and a couple of days later brought them both back, fully serviced! That's a first! The landline eventually got sorted out (it went down again last Sunday, but one look at my file and BT fixed it again within hours!); I bought a fifth handset for £7 - a Binatone for deaf and blind people which has big buttons, and is very loud; the gateman is here right now; Godfrey has replaced the bulb in the outside light; Super Sexy Dick's son, plumber George fixed all the bathroom things, and Super Sexy Dick himself has just brought Marvin back £550 later as good as new, sorted out the trailer; and best of all, Bill isn't mended!

Instead, I am Queen of the Road, driving 'The Beast' - all 4.2 litre engine of it, at a stately pace all over the moor, averaging 28mph whilst consuming 22.3mpg of diesel.  Desperate to get Beloved Daughter to her horsey events, I rang all round Devon in an attempt to hire a 4x4. Nothing nearer than Exeter at £200pw.  And then I found a garage in Okehampton where they offered to mend Bill while lending me a 2004 Toyota Landcruiser Amazon as a courtesy car!! Well I asked them to take as long as possible over Bill, and they've still got him, over a week later.  I am chuffed to bits with my fantastic alternative.  I looked it up on AutoTrader and it's worth around £20,000!  I rang the garage up and implored them not to hurry with Bill and kindly, they still haven't started work on him!  Things are looking up!