My Luxurious B&B

The bathroom is along a corridor and, if I wasn't the only guest, I would have to share it with several other people.  It has lino on the floor and is painted light blue.  The towel rail appears warm, but the room is icy.  The bath and shower gel, body lotions, shampoo and conditioner are all in pump dispensers.

I wander back to my room, my modesty protected (just) by the B&B's tiny towel.  There are no pictures on any walls, and no telly in my room, the curtains are thin, and the 'tea and coffee making facilities' are shared, in an area just outside it.  I am cold, as the snow starts coming down again, and the duvet is rather small.  All is explained when the hosts tell me later that there is no central heating, but only a lovely log burner in the rather plain sitting room downstairs, which you can fill up with logs at  will, while you enjoy the small telly.  It is all very simple and surprisingly cosy.

I am totally cheered up.  I feel a whole different person from yesterday.  This is real farmhouse B&B, and the hosts are delightful, friendly, chatty, easy-going, young, and can't do enough to be helpful.  A couple of years ago they won a 'Best Farmhouse B&B' award in the Sunday Times.  It's obvious that being a nice host counts almost as much as the quality of the service that you offer.

I put the daffodils I bought for £1 from the Co-op  into a coffee cup of water, and excitedly ponder upon the fact that I am quite justified in charging nearly double what I am paying here.

Helen, the proprietor, on hearing my story and my plans, whizzes off to get me her 'setting up a B&B' book, and I discover that what I am offering is called 'boutique B&B'; or 'complete home hospitality B&B' along the lines of the very expensive Wolsey Lodges.  I have spoken to a couple of friends about those.  My friends pulled out of the arrangement when they were told exactly what sized towel they had  to offer guests.

The book tells me that a 40% occupancy is good.  My hosts say they're at 25%+; which they're pleased with, and they spend days a week on their marketing efforts and are always open and available.  Um.  If I am putting myself forward as the most expensive B&B on the moor, only available during weekdays of school term times, for a minimum two people for two nights; hot tub or no hot tub, we're not looking at a lot of punters.  I might have to re-think this.

Perhaps I might need to eat humble pie and go back cap in hand to Alastair Sawday after all, for his rich and exclusive client list.  What the hell.  It will all have to wait until I get back from Esteemed Partner's old trimaran in Portugal.  I am typing this up on one of Bristol Airport's computers at £1 for every 10 minutes internet access.  Luckily it's a very nice computer and keyboard,  but I'm buggered if I'm going to keep paying for the privilege, while Ryanair keeps calling out the Faro flight.

It all seems to be coming together though.  I just need to call Sashka and Karen before I board to let them know that ...... oh what was it now?