I've Got a Little List

"I think I'm going to be featured on Four in a Bed," I said.

"Oh I don't think you should do that," my Australian guest replied, and he meant it.  He and his wife are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary by going on a tour of all the places in the world they want to visit most, and are investigating his Dartmoor heritage.  They have stayed in ten different hotels and B&Bs so far, so they jolly well know what they're talking about.

"Would you like us to provide you with a list of all the things you might need to do before going on television?" queried his wife.

"Errrr, ummmm, yes, it would be useful to have a friendly, objective view," I said.  "One can get too close to it all."

The macerator and the gurgling of its effluent seemed to have been particularly noisy that day, and the telly especially difficult to turn on.  I hoped they would forget their offer, and I thought that they had.  But when it was time to say goodbye, his wife said,

"Would you like that list then? Do treat it with a pinch of salt."

I said that that would be very kind, and she handed it over. It was two pages long. My heart sank right down to my Ugg boots.

Sashka and I went into the garden with a fag and a cup of coffee each, taking the list with us, filled with dread. Sashka read it out, point by point.

"Take the staples holding in the price tag out of the new rug; provide tissues; a mug for toothbrushes; instructions for the TV, ensure the kettle's flex reaches the plug without having to put it on the floor; replace the too large, wobbly table lamps (these were a sentimental wedding present from my graphology mentor); replace the towels daily ("We always used to do that at the Forest Inn anyway," commented Sashka); and a couple of other little things.

Well. All eminently doable. And probably obvious. Incredibly helpful. I am massively grateful, and immediately emailed the couple saying so.  I wish they could come back and do the same for another room!

Meanwhile I am going to bite the bullet and put soundproofing in the party wall, so at least I can sleep at night, whether anybody else can or not!

And buy a whole load more towels.