Golden Monster

I know everything about tow vehicles.  I learned it all on Tuesday, and bought one this morning.

Some of the perceived pros and cons of different makes and models are, of course, personal; and some depend on where you live and the job you want doing.

First and foremost, after my recent experiences with the Nissan Terrano, I was after something reliable, in which I could feel safe pulling my two horses in their trailer up the hill past The Forest Inn. This has a One in Two gradient, is one car wide, and has a blind corner.

And I wanted a diesel automatic. It must cost less than £6000 and should have fewer than 100,000 miles on the clock.

As a result of these criteria, my search on Ebay, Autotrader, Exchange & Mart, Pre-Loved, Gumtree, and something called 'Motors' narrowed right down to just a few cars in the country.

I believe Land Rover Defenders, Discoveries and Range Rovers tow better than anything - they're rated up to 3.5 tons.  But I don't want any of them, because according to all the on-line chat forums they are all always breaking down.

I LOVE Toyota Land Cruisers.

I quite fancied the idea of a truck.

Shoguns are man enough.

And then there's something called a Kia Sorento which the horsey ladies on the Horse & Hound website swear by.

By now I was down to about 25 vehicles in the whole of the UK.

So off I set yesterday to try out a Sorento in St Austell, an Isuzu Rodeo (more comfortable, better turning circle, more reliable than the Nissan Navarro and Toyota Hilux I read) in Plymouth, a Land Cruiser in Exeter, and another Sorento in Tiverton.

The first Sorento felt like a big powerful box on wheels.  "If you want a truly awful car that is a cheap means of towing 3.5 tons, this is the one for you," read the blurb.  I quite liked it, but it got stuck in low gear 4 wheel drive.

The Isuzu (how do you pronounce that?) D-Max was golden. GOLDEN??!! Imagine me turning up in this F-off truck as big as a football field, at the Pony Club! I mean it's bling gone completely bonkers! Nevertheless, I got in it and it felt like a new car. 2006 reg with 69,000 miles on the clock, VAT included, used by one lady owner (the salesman's auntie) to tow her horses occasionally.  A bit different from a truck used daily in the mud by a farm labourer wearing his hobnailed boots.  Its size and power would mean that it wouldn't even feel a heavy trailer attached to the back, and stinky tack could go in the separate covered boot.

I was also very taken by the bloke selling it.  He was a proper professional salesman - young and nice-looking in his beach shorts and flip-flops, chatting away like we were old friends about his family (his brother won the Grand National on Seagram) sounding oddly like a cross between Ricky Gervais and that tall west country cohort of his in 'Extra's'.  

I am a complete sucker for professional sales techniques, and was particularly impressed by the clearly genuine pride he takes in his vehicles, pointing out everything that he felt wasn't 100%, such as a couple of scratches, a bald tyre, a lock, and valetting, all of which were to be sorted out the following day.

Then I went to see the Land Cruiser in Exeter. 1999 reg. It had rusty windscreen wipers, two tyres in need of pumping up, and looked old, sad and forlorn, even though it only had 99,000 miles on the clock.  The seller didnt bother to return my five phone calls and wasnt there when I arrived.

The owners of the second Sorento still havent returned any of my phone calls, but in the description it says that the low 4x4 gear light stays on.  

I reminded myself that the garage selling on my beautiful Range Rover insisted I paid for £3000 worth of work before they were prepared to display it on their forecourt. So I thought, "No, I am buying something in perfect working order from a garage which has given the car a full service and provides a three month guarantee." And went home.

Well you may remember my worry that I like people who don't like people who drive Range Rovers?

I've bought the Golden Monster.  What on earth are they going to think about that?

And needless to say it cost more than £6000.