Dating Sites For Total Losers

Don't you think internet dating is just great! I do! I'm an old hand - been doing it since before the internet was invented, when you had to think up something clever to write in Private Eye.

Mine went: "Lovely, leggy, bubbly blonde (26) believes that all interesting, attractive, entertaining men are in hiding.
Please prove her wrong." I got lots of replies, but none of them proved me wrong.

The experience led me on to study graphology - the interpretation of handwriting - so that I could weed out the more promising respondents and stop wasting evenings yawning, chatting to grey men in expensive restaurants. 

Sadly there proved never to be any promising respondents to weed out, but I have gone on to practise graphology professionally, both for use in head-hunting, and for analysing the personalities of various celebrities for the media - be it Michael Jackson or Nurse Allitt (remember the murderess?)

But that was all decades ago. Now every single, single person I know, has some involvement or other with internet dating. It stops us all hurling ourselves off the top of high buildings, facing the rest of our lives without romantic intrigue, whether we are 53 or even 83!

So I was fascinated by an article in yesterday's Mail about how dating sites are for 'total losers', written by someone called Liz Hodgkinson (no picture, annoyingly).

So that's nine million of us, then.

In her article, she used her own, three, personal experiences to illustrate her viewpoint.

She minds (in her words) that 'bald, white bearded, broke, fat, dull, over-50s men' are having a crack at finding themselves someone affluent, beautiful, and young, to become their free housekeeper.

The way that she writes indicates that there is a shred of possibility that her own character traits might include 'smug, complacent, intellectually arrogant, opinionated, impatient and judgmental'.

She would appear also to be 'fattist, beardist, hair-ist and money-ist'.

And if she's over fifty, she will probably have wobbly arms, tummy, bum and thighs; a criss-cross of wrinkles across her chest and neck, and the moles on her face will be beginning to sprout hair. She might also be suffering from hormonal mood swings, and sweat in bed.

Just like me! I expect if I met her I would really like her!

But it's no wonder these hideous old grandpas might be searching for someone a little less faded than Liz and myself. It's so difficult for us to remember that we're no longer what we once were.

In short, I actually think that those involved in internet dating are simply representative of the world in general, and the older we get, the more we must look in our mirrors, and, probably, lower our expectations.