Angry of Dartmoor

I am a vexatious litigant.

The local magistrates are beginning to recognise me, as I have been up in front of some of the same ones twice now.

It is not true that any old private individual can go through with a small claims. To do it, I think you have to be brave, educated, slightly agressive, and have a bit of time available. People like my Mum could never do it in a million years.
 
Whenever I arrive at court and check the list, I am always the only person representing myself. Other people seem to use solicitors, and the rest are companies. It's pretty scary. I definitely have to pay a visit to the loo before venturing into the magistrate's room.

At the end, even if I win, which I nearly always do, I hardly ever seem to end up with any recompense, as most of the people who get sued are used to it, and know how to play the system by disappearing when the hapless, and in my experience helpless, bailiffs turn up.

I have wasted days, weeks, months following up cases, to the distress of all those around me, as to be effective I feel I have to wind myself up into a total frenzy before progressing the case. But the satisfaction lies in the knowledge that these w..........s  who are prepared to tread all over everybody, don't get to treat me like a helpless cretin.

I warned my plumber that I had sued my previous plumber. He didnt believe me, so now, after paying £2000 up front for him to not mend my central heating, I am suing him too.

I sue people who I think are trying to rip me off, and who I believe would be prepared to rip off people like my Mum, my ex-mother-in-law, or any other gentle folk simply trying to mind their own business. I have an entire filing cabinet drawer called 'Angry of The Moor".

I don't always win. I got my comeuppance and messed up my credit rating when I refused to pay my burglar alarm company, because their invoice was so much higher than their quote.  When I lost my case in court I forgot to pay up in time. Error.

I have won against BT twice - £3000 in all. I've also won against a holiday company, a removals firm, cutlery company, my two plumbers, and a professional horse-riding eventer. I am currently considering whether to sue my electric gate company.

My ex-mother-in-law paid over £3000 for our gate, a decade ago. During that time the longest it has ever worked without problems is about two years. The minute it breaks down we have scores of sheep, cattle and ponies running all around our 'garden' and into the other farmer's fields beyond. I tell you, those animals are on automatic pilot.

The gate is a normal, but big and heavy 5-bar wooden thing. Underneath it is mud, covered in sheep, horse and cow poo, several inches deep, as all the animals wait outside the gate, for hours and days, for it to break down again.

My favourite form of footwear is high-heeled suede boots. My hair is not good in the rain - I look like Esther Rantzen if it is wet. When the gate breaks down I have to get out of the car, into horizontal rain, wade through the mud and push open and closed the mildewed reluctant centre piece of all my nightmares, climbing back into my prestige vehicle with slime all over my feet, chest and hands.

Last month I made nearly enough money from my film crew of five staying for bed, breakfast and dinner for two nights, to cover the cost of a broken control panel, after I had just paid £150 for the gate company to supposedly to put everything right after a series of five faulty switches had been fitted, complete with an invasion of animals on every occasion. Two weeks later they want £645 + VAT because the motor has now broken.

Amanda next door doesn't really understand what my problem is. She suggests I go back to a latch. Or perhaps to London.