A Thoroughly Modern Christmas

Granny sat on the squishy white sofa of the main room in Esteemed Partner's wife's house, sipping a cup of tea, while Sonya, his wife,  completed the hoovering. EP basted the venison haunch, I positioned the presents under the tree, and EP's 19 yr old daughter emerged from the bathroom, radiant, to join us for dinner at 5pm.

EP, Granny and I had returned from a hobble along the River Dart in the rain - EP with his broken heel; 83 year old Granny with her dodgy ankles; and sulky, childish me, loved and treated as 'tiresome' in equal measure by the sensible adults immersed in conversation pottering along ahead of me, as I fiddled, staring at the ground, with the toggles on my oversized anorak.

I am polar opposite to EP's wife, who is much cleverer and kinder than I am; and she is even more polar opposite to my Mum, being an intellectual liberal, while my mother was quietly at a total loss as to why we hadnt organised the entire day around the queen's speech.  But we all had a very jolly time, and finally wandered back for a B without the extra B, 100 yards away, alongside the A38 dual carriageway, where Mum, EP and I had booked in for the night. 

We were the only people in its 20 bedrooms.  It was warm and quiet, with masses of hot water, clean, comfortable beds, and a peaceful view of the carpark directly outside the window, and quite a good breakfast the following day from the garage next door.

Perhaps that's really all you need in a B&B?